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|Courage, patience, perseverance, and a whole lot of love!
Monday, 10 May 2010
|In my line of work I meet people who may be recently divorced and are bravely attempting to expand their social circle to start meeting people to date. It’s terrifying!
Imagine you have been married for 20 years, your partner passes away, and you’ve got to face the world again on your own. You may also be divorced at 40 and never imagined you would have to face the dating scene again. You may even be newly single and 20-something, and that too was not what you had imagined for yourself.
In lots of cases, people are afraid to leave a bad relationship because the fear of being single is worse than their current reality.
Being single has massive benefits, and meeting new people is just one of them. Here are some practical steps if you are newly single and feeling a little anxious about entering the dating world.
1) You can’t go up and talk to strangers.
When you’re newly single, people often tell me that they don’t have the courage to go up to strangers to talk to them. Well, you probably don’t need to do that – ever! So stop worrying.
2) You can’t go to clubs and bars to meet people.
No, and you don’t need to – So stop worrying. There are lots of ways to meet people, that don’t involve dark venues and alcohol. It takes time, courage and energy, but it’s worth it.
3) Don’t concern yourself with going out to get a date.
Go out to expand your social circle. Make friends with both men and women. This is far less daunting, and far more productive. Ladies - Be serious and honest about this. Don’t go out to meet people and then come home disappointed when you don’t meet any men. You need to make a concerted effort to meet women as well. I say men, because I’ve never heard a guy complain about not meeting women – ‘tis true!
4) Get yourself a good date/going out outfit.
A nice new shirt if you’re a guy, some nice new feel good clothes for the ladies. Don’t go for the “sexy look” You want “new and confident” and you will look even better! This will help you be ready at a moments notice if you need to. It will remove the stress of what to wear that always adds to the nerves
Look good, feel good!
5) Get yourself a new hair cut
Update your style. A hair stylist I know says he is hesitant about doing make over because people generally go back to their old styles, so beware. However, it’s worth doing this, even if just to get a second opinion on your current style.
6) Conversation is the name of the game
You don’t need to be the extrovert in the room to meet people. Just be yourself, if you’re quieter, you can still meet new people, and draw people towards you. Develop some items for conversation. Mix in circles that you have commonalities in. Tennis, wine tasting, church etc. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it gets.
7) Be brave
Believe me, being single can mean getting hurt, and being rejected, but don’t let the fear stop you. We all do get through this, and we are stronger for it. Share your stories with friends and families. Thank your lucky stars if you are rebuffed, you are being given an opportunity to move on and try again for something better.
Share, share, share you stories. Tell me how things are going for you, as you go around meeting people.
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